Grupo Renacer. (Group Rebirth)
Support group for parents facing the death of children.
HOPE IS REBORN
“Diving in our cistern” – Reflections of Enrique y Ana Doris Conde on Rebirth
When faced with the departure of a son, who is the greatest existential shock to which a human being can face, we lose track of everything around us.
It is a shock as if a bomb had fallen around us, as if a volcano had exploded within; do not know where we are and we assail why?
Why my son or my daughter, why not me, because we did not do this or that and a cloud of confusion surrounds us and do not see the door to get out of that situation, it is as if life had no meaning for us.
We always thought that if we lost a child, we were dying behind him, however, are alive and questions find no answers and when we come to Renacer tell us that no one has ever had answers to the questions that arise, because we are not us we have to ask questions of life or God, but life is what makes us a question, you parent who has lost a child how are you going to live from now on?
Usually when a child is lost in the culture in which we live is thought to have more rights, but the reality is that we have more responsibilities, first, we have a responsibility to do our own life from now until the day that inexorably touch from us.
The message Renacer shows that at that crucial moment, we have to choose each other to tell the life or get carried away by emotions and close doors and windows, jump on the bed, not wanting to work, give up grooming, as if we were dead in life.
If we die in life, behind the departure of our children, we are making them our executioners, while the message Renacer shows that it is possible to assume a change in attitude, adopt a positive attitude and do our children no longer our tormentors, but our teachers.
Following Victor Frankl who held in a concentration camp lost his wife, a son A pregnant, his mother, his father and a brother and suffered the indignities own regime, based on his faith and hope to live. saved his life and then wrote saying versus what happens to us in life, we can not change, there is something we can change is our attitude towards life.
We can not change what has happened, but we can change our attitude and instead of feeling die and walk through this world with his head down as collecting coins from the ground, walk with head held high in honor of that child and assume positive result of our love for them.
What unites a mother or a father to his son or daughter, but love?
The Message of Rebirth, tells us: do we need your physical presence to still love them?
At birth our children we were taught a different way of loving; we knew it was the love of mother, father, grandparents, uncles, brothers, then the partner or partners, but when they came to our home taught us to love in a different way and now Leaving, have taught us another way to love a more sublime unconditional love that does not even need his physical presence.
Then by that love, we can change our attitude towards life, in tribute to the son who left and we can ask the question how he would have wanted to see us? ¿Full of anguish? ¿Hateful? O full of love?
Each in its intimacy can answer this question.
Sometimes when we remember them, think of them as being where they had the accident, or bed sanatorium or hospital, or at the time they decided on their own or were attacked from … but they are not there.
They are elsewhere, which by our physical limitations can not access, but whatever our belief of where we will go after our own death … there they are awaiting our arrival.
The liability arising from that time until the moment of our death, is to live in dignity.
Live with dignity in his honor, but also a decent living for ourselves and we deserve to live in dignity by those around us.
For siblings who have lost a loved one as his playmate and pranks, often its companion piece, your pet or your model, depending on age.
They are suffering quietly and see their parents, lost in his own pain, they have forgotten that they exist, then add to the pain, the pain of losing her mother and father are not the same.
Are we the same people before, after the departure of a child? No, we are not the same people.
If we are not the same people, only two options are better or worse person or persons are, what you choose?
Is that the great option presented to us in life compared to what happened to us.
Surely the way of emotions, locking in ourselves and giving up live, we will be better people, maybe get to be a sponge, filled with anguish, crying, anger, hatred, resentment is the path that lead to emotions.
But according to Victor Frankl tells us, the human being is the only being in the universe that is capable of opposing that which determines what, to oppose their own emotions and adds, we can remove all but the last of our freedoms, which is the freedom to take an attitude toward what happens to us in life.
Yes, the departure of a child has conditioned us! But we have the freedom that no one can take away, to take a positive attitude in homage to that child.
Elisabeth Kubler Ross, a Swiss-American scientist, who was engaged in the medical profession to serve terminally ill, says that strangely enough, the loss of a child can lead parents in a spiritual awakening.
That is the “spiritual awakening” to which the message refers Renacer, when we face the choice of being better people, not better than other people would be an attitude of vanity, but better than ourselves, better today than yesterday , better tomorrow than today.
Then the figure of our children as teachers appears.
His departure teaches us not to fear death, teaches us to gauge the value they have little material things, teaches us to be more tolerant of things that happen every day, teaches us to understand the pain of others, Finally, teaches us to look at life and death in a very different way than sees the culture in which we are immersed.
In Rebirth, although we can honor our children by bringing them to the cemetery flowers, or offering Masses, lighting candles or displaying your photo, we have learned a deeper way to honor him, it is with our lives.
It is certain that each, in turn, have offered our own life for hers and we were not given, but today we can live in his honor
Every day, whether at home, in the street, in the office or wherever we are, we are presented with situations that we can get them, we can annoy, usually we answered with anger, annoyance or violence, well, compared to those situations, which are facts that can not change, we can now, in honor of our children also change in attitude. For example, in the street rather than remember the family of the other driver, instead of hassling when cooking something happens in honor of our children we can change our attitude and soon we realize that not answer, not do violence to us that we no longer get annoyed and that is largely to be better people, thanks to the homage we are doing, our son quietly.
They say it’s difficult, yes, it is very difficult, but is not it harder to live bitter, disillusioned, full of pain and anguish? Between two difficult things we can choose that which is better, it all depends on each and no one else.
The seed is good, depend on each falling on fertile ground and take care of her until may get stronger, we just we transmit the message and we can assure you that it is possible.
We have all come in the same way.
Rebirth is the hope that there will come a moment when the inner peace that we lost the day of the departure of our children, filling of darkness, return to us as a clear demonstration of the triumph of love over pain.
AUGUST 29, 2014
With the sweetest memories that may exist for our beloved Ana Zaida.
Enrique, Ana Doris and Ulysses
Congress Renacer – Montevideo, Uruguay
“For the essence of Rebirth”